How can you support your child if they are being bullied at school?

Bullying, whether it occurs at school or online, affects many young people and can have a significant impact on their well-being. 

For a parent, seeing their child go through this kind of situation can be particularly difficult.

Gaining a better understanding of this phenomenon allows us to respond more quickly and effectively.

What is bullying?

According to the Education Act, bullying is defined as:   

“any repeated direct or indirect behaviour [...] whether deliberate or not [...] dans un contexte caractérisé par l’inégalité des rapports de force entre les personnes concernées [...] in a context where there is a power imbalance between the persons concerned and which causes distress.”  

Bullying can take many forms:

• physical
• verbal
• psychological
• online (cyberbullying) 

How can you recognize the signs of bullying in your child?

Young people may not always feel comfortable talking about bullying they’re experiencing. Some signs might help identify a person experiencing bullying.

Signs to watch out for include:
 

•  symptoms of anxiety or depression 

•  suicidal thoughts

•  declining academic performance 

•  damaged belongings

•  unexplained injuries

•  problems sleeping

•  a loss of their sense of belonging at school

•  wanting to arrive at school very early or very late to avoid running into the bully

•  a desire to stay home rather than go to school (or any other place)

•  isolation (e.g., your child spends more time alone in their room) 

•  low self-esteem

If you notice one or more of these signs, it’s important to talk to them about what they might be going through.

You can also reach out to a member of the school staff (teacher, counsellor, coach, etc.) if you suspect your child might be experiencing bullying.

How can you help your child if they are being bullied? 

When your child is being bullied, it’s natural to want to take action right away. Your presence and support can make a real difference.

A number of strategies can be implemented, both at home and at school.

Strategies at home: supporting your child who is being bullied

1. Create a safe space

 

Communication plays a vital role in supporting your child. Your child needs to feel that they can speak freely, without being judged.
 

• Respectfully acknowledge their feelings 
• Listen without interrupting 
• Show that you’re taking the situation seriously 

It can be difficult to bring up the subject of bullying with your child. Even if it’s hard, try to stay calm and reassuring. How you react can influence how your child will perceive their situation.

Several studies show that sharing experiences of bullying with parents can reduce stress and increase resilience in children.

 

2. Ask questions to better understand    

To start the conversation, ask open-ended questions: 
 

• How have you been feeling lately? 
• Tell me about what's been going on. 
• Who supports you at school? 
• What’s the first thing I need to know to be able to help you?

 

3. Reassure your child
 

Your child may think it’s their fault that they’re being bullied.

Remind them that this isn’t the case, and that you’re there to help them find solutions.
 

4. Help your child regain a sense of control

Bullying can make a child feel powerless and trapped in the situation. This can affect their confidence and their ability to respond. You can help empower them in what they’re going through.

Here are some practical ways you can help:
 

• Remind them that they don’t have to put up with bullying.
• Encourage them to talk about what they’re going through and set boundaries.
• Help them identify trusted adults they can turn to in need.
• Support them if they want to ask for help or report the bullying.

  

5. Build up your child’s confidence and self-esteem

Bullying can undermine a child’s self-image. They may begin to doubt themselves or lose confidence in their abilities.

Here are some ways to help them rebuild their confidence:
 

• Encourage them to participate in activities where they feel competent or valued (sports, art, hobbies, etc.), ideally in a safe environment.
• Encourage time spent with people who respect and support them.
• Highlight their strengths, efforts, and successes, no matter how small.
• Support them when they face difficulties by helping them find their own solutions.

 

6. Teach your child strategies they can use to mitigate the bullying
 

Avoid solving problems on your child’s behalf. As a parent, your role is to support and guide your child without overprotecting them while still remaining involved.

Here are some tools and tips you can offer them:
 

Respectfully asserting themselves:
Help your child express their boundaries clearly without being aggressive.
“I don’t want you to talk to me like that anymore. This situation is unacceptable.” 
 

Choosing when to react: 
In certain situations (when it is safe to do so), withholding their reaction can deny the bully the attention they are seeking.
 

Surrounding themselves with people they trust:
Encourage them to develop and maintain relationships with others. This can help prevent bullying.

Strategies at school: supporting your child who is being bullied

1. Inform school staff

 

Every school is required to have an anti-bullying and anti-violence plan, in accordance with the recommendations of the 2023-2028 Anti-Bullying and Anti-Violence in Schools Plan. It’s therefore crucial to inform and involve school staff when bullying occurs.
 

Encourage your child to talk to a teacher or a school counsellor. You can support them through this process as it may be difficult for your child to address this issue alone. 

 

2. Contact the National Student Ombudsman

 

If you are dissatisfied with the measures taken by the school to ensure your child’s safety, you can file a complaint. Since 2023, a new procedure has been implemented for both public and private sectors. This procedure applies to preschool, elementary, and secondary education, as well as homeschooling. 
 

To learn about the complaint process, watch the video below or visit the Quebec government website to contact the Student Ombudsman in your region.  

Need more resources? 

To talk to someone about bullying your child may be experiencing, you can contact the Tel-Jeunes helpline for parents.
 

If your child would like to talk to a qualified professional about bullying or get help, here are some available resources:   

 

•  The +Fort app from Centre Axel     

•  Tel-Jeunes intervention services 

•  Kids Help Phone intervention services 

• Info-Social (8-1-1 option 2) 

 

If your child is having suicidal thoughts, or if you are concerned they might be, visit the Bullying and Suicide page. If you or your child would like to speak with a counsellor, contact Quebec’s suicide prevention services:
 

• By text, at 53 53 53 

• By chat sur suicide.ca 

• By phone, through the Quebec suicide prevention helpline, at 1 866 APPELLE (277-3553) 

These services are confidential and available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.