Resuming Your Life after Grieving a Death by Suicide

People dealing with suicide grief may feel like their life has stopped. Losing someone can be deeply disorienting and regaining a sense of order can take time.

There are strategies for coping with grief. Some are particularly helpful in the short term while others are more useful in the long term. Each person moves at their own pace.

Absorbing the shock

In the first weeks after learning of a death by suicide, people who are grieving usually need strategies for coping with the shock.

Here’s some advice that can help.

Some people dealing with suicide grief feel guilty about times when they feel good because they have the impression that suffering is the only appropriate emotion. Allowing yourself to feel good is as important as accepting that some days are harder than others. Happiness, calm, and joy are important, normal, and appropriate feelings, even when grieving a death by suicide.

When someone you know dies by suicide, you may feel the need to figure out what drove them to act on their suicidal thoughts. But suicide doesn’t have a straightforward explanation. People who attempt suicide are always dealing with a series of problems and difficulties.

This makes it difficult to understand why a person took their own life, as they are no longer around to explain their reasons. Learning to live with the idea that some questions will remain unanswered isn’t always easy, but can help you regain a degree of calmness.

People dealing with suicide grief may find it difficult to take care of their basic needs. But navigating grief requires a lot of energy, so it’s very helpful to make sure your basic needs are met. Maintaining good sleep and eating habits, exercising, and taking time to relax can help you recharge. Taking care of yourself can also help stabilize your emotions.

How to get back on track after grieving a suicide

Gradually resuming your activities after losing someone to suicide isn’t always easy. But doing so can help you regain energy and feel better.

Here are some suggestions to help you get back on track.

Trying to take your mind off things may seem frivolous when you are dealing with suicide grief. You may also have the impression that it will distance you from the deceased. But taking your mind off things can be very helpful. It helps you conserve energy, focus on things that make you feel good, and cope with more difficult periods. There are ways to give your mind a break, including work, recreational activities, and spending time with people you enjoy.

Being open to new possibilities

Being open to new possibilities doesn’t mean forgetting the deceased. The person who is gone played certain roles and met certain needs (confidant, advisor, helper, source of support in hard times, etc.).

Those needs may still be important, even if the person who used to meet them is no longer there. Finding other ways to meet them can help.

Putting more emphasis on other relationships or investing in new ones

Grieving for a person you care about also means mourning the loss of their role in your life. At first it can be difficult to imagine that someone else might take their place, but accepting the idea can be helpful.

When you’re going through a difficult period, people who were less present may start to play a more important role in your life. Hardship can provide an opportunity to open up to others and make room for new people.

Finding meaning in your grief

Finding meaning in your grief might seem impossible or even shocking to consider, but there’s a time where it may become necessary in order to move forward.

Unanswered questions

Grief brings questions and doubts. Some of the questions can be answered, others cannot. In striving to live a satisfying life again, you may need to let go of questions that can’t be answered and take the time to find meaning in your grief.

Each person finds meaning in grief in their own way

There are many ways to find meaning in grief. Some people identify reasons why they should continue to live despite the death of a loved one. For example, they may engage in activities or a cause that’s meaningful to them. Others find an explanation for their loved one’s suicide or accept the fact that they’ll never be able to explain it.

Being open to change

Finding meaning in your grief may mean that things that were once important to you become less so, or that your values and priorities change. Being attentive to what makes you feel good and participating in activities that are consistent with your values and priorities can help you make room for things that contribute to your well-being.