6 Tips for Talking About Suicide with a Loved One
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As loved ones, we can play a key role in supporting someone who is thinking about suicide. At some point, any one of us may need to step in for a friend, family member or colleague.
Talking about suicide with someone can feel difficult. You may want to bring up the subject without knowing how, feel uncomfortable or worry about saying the wrong thing.
However, opening up the conversation can have a real impact and help the person feel less alone. Here are some tips to guide you.
1. Establish trust and try to understand the person
Choose an appropriate time and place for a private conversation. Listening with empathy, in a respectful and confidential environment, can help the person feel less alone.
To foster trust and acceptance, you can:
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Take a warm, caring approach
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Listen without judgment, even if what the person is going through is hard to understand
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Believe what they share and express your support
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Stay calm
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Remain hopeful
2. Be yourself
You don’t need to be a counsellor to help someone who is thinking about suicide or to have a positive impact. You can start a conversation and offer your support while respecting your own limits and the nature of your relationship with the person.
You don’t need to have all the answers or be especially close to the person. You can still bring up the subject and offer support, in your own words and in your own way.
3. Ask directly: “Are you thinking about suicide?”
Many people who are thinking about suicide don’t know how to talk about it or who to turn to. Because the subject is still taboo, they may be afraid of being judged.
Asking the question clearly and directly does not put the idea in their mind. Instead, it opens the door for them to express what they’re going through. If they’re having suicidal thoughts, being able to talk about it without judgment can help them feel less alone and bring some relief.
If the person says they are thinking about suicide, ask a few follow-up questions, such as:
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“How long have you been thinking about suicide?”
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“How often do these thoughts come up?”
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“Have you thought about how you would do it? If so, which one?”
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“Do you have a specific place in mind?”
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“Have you thought about when you would do this?”
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“Do you already have the means to take your own life? Can it be accessed quickly?”
This information can be helpful when you reach out to suicide prevention resources.
4. Encourage your loved one to seek help
Being proactive and offering support are essential to helping reduce a person’s sense of isolation. You can make a significant difference by supporting them in their efforts to seek help.
People who are thinking about suicide don’t always reach out on their own for several reasons. They may have difficulty believing their situation will improve or that professional help will have a positive impact.
5. Don’t carry this alone
The person may ask you to keep what they’ve shared a secret. While discretion is important, it’s equally important to help them get support and not to leave them alone with these thoughts. Supporting them may involve you sharing that they have confided suicidal thoughts in you.
The section Supporting Someone in Difficulty can help guide you toward appropriate resources.
6. Be cautious of sudden improvements when nothing has changed
This can be a warning sign of suicidal behaviour.
Suicide is rarely a spontaneous act. There are often warning signs that a person is in distress. In some cases, a noticeable improvement in mood may occur after someone has made the decision to die by suicide, bringing a temporary sense of relief.
Learning to recognize the signs of psychological distress and suicidal thoughts can help you respond more effectively. To learn more, visit our section Recognizing the Signs of Psychological and Suicidal Distress.
To explore this topic further, visit our section Talking About Suicide with a Someone.
Understanding the limits of your role
Suicide is a complex issue. Talking with someone who is experiencing suicidal thoughts can provide them with meaningful support, but it does not guarantee immediate improvement or prevent them from acting on those thoughts.
Loved ones can play an important role without being responsible for the person’s well-being or actions. Each of us does the best we can with the information and resources we have.
Remember that counsellors can help
Reach out to a suicide prevention counsellor if needed. Speaking with a counsellor can help you share your concerns and identify possible next steps to support the person.
In an emergency, they can also help ensure the person’s immediate safety.
You can:
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Call 1-866-277-3553
These services are offered 24/7 anywhere in Quebec.
