Self-compassion and grief after suicide loss 

Losing someone to suicide is a distressing experience. Beyond profound sadness, it’s also normal to experience a flood of emotions, some of which may seem contradictory. Practicing self-compassion is an effective way to work through your emotions, one day at a time. 

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Understanding your grief after suicide loss 

Everyone grieves in their own way. There is no single path to healing, and the journey is not a straight line. Grieving a loss by suicide can be particularly difficult, as it raises many questions and can leave you feeling helpless. 

These questions are a completely normal human reaction to a loss that defies comprehension. 

Your body and mind may react in a number of ways: 
 

  • Intense fatigue 

  • Difficulty concentrating 

  • A feeling of emptiness 

  • Intense or changing emotions.


The feelings and reactions associated with grief after suicide loss tend to gradually subside over the months following the event, particularly within the first year. 
 

If you feel that these emotions remain particularly intense and persistent over time, we encourage you to consult our resources to learn when to seek professional help when experiencing grief after a suicide loss.

Guilt, shame, and isolation after the suicide of a loved one 

Coping with the loss of a loved one to suicide can lead to isolation and feelings of shame and guilt. This can manifest in different ways in your relationships with others.
  

  • Feeling blamed, humiliated, or judged 

“I get blamed for a lot of things… Often, people end up pointing fingers at me. It’s already hard enough as it is.”
  

  • Feeling isolated and rejected by friends and community 

“Some of the people who are close to me seem to have just disappeared lately.”
  

  • Feeling silenced

“I don’t like to talk about my story much with others. I worry that they are tired of hearing it or that it makes them uncomfortable.”
 

  • Feeling the weight of others’ discomfort  

“I often have to convince others that they can still talk to me, even though I am going through something difficult right now.”
 

It’s important to understand and remember that it’s not your fault if your loved one took their own life. Suicide is the result of a combination of several factors; there is no single cause.

What is self-compassion? 

According to psychologist Kristin Neff, self-compassion is simply compassion directed toward yourself. It involves treating yourself with the same kindness you would show a friend going through a difficult time.
 

Rather than judging or criticizing yourself, it invites you to acknowledge your pain and respond to it with kindness and understanding.
 

In other words, self-compassion means taking the time to acknowledge what you are feeling without pressuring yourself to feel better right away.

How can you practice self-compassion? 

Here are a few simple steps that can help you cultivate this mindset in your daily life.

Talking about grief with others who are grieving

Practicing self-compassion also means recognizing that you don’t have to carry the burden alone.

The online community “Vivre un deuil par suicide” is a moderated forum where you can share your experience in a safe and supportive space. 

Please note that the online community is available only in French.
  

You can also contact your local suicide prevention centre to find out if there are any support groups in your area.

Available resources

If you’re having suicidal thoughts or are struggling to cope with the loss of a loved one to suicide, reach out to a suicide.ca counsellor via chat or text message.

You can also contact a suicide prevention centre or call Quebec’s suicide prevention hotline at 1-866-277-3553. 
 

If you think you may be experiencing psychological distress, complex and persistent grief, depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder, it’s important to talk to a healthcare professional. Contact a doctor or a local community services centres (CLSC), or call the Info-Social service at 811 (option 2).

Get in touch with your emotions

Grieving a loss by suicide can profoundly transform the way you see yourself and your life’s meaning. Being attuned to your emotions means allowing them to exist without judgment. It also means recognizing that behind the pain lies the ability to find a sense of well-being again.

Self-compassion doesn’t make the pain go away, but it helps you embrace it with more kindness. It opens up an inner space where gentleness can gradually replace difficult emotions, and where connecting with others becomes possible again.