Helping Someone with Suicidal Thoughts: 5 Things to Avoid

When someone you care about is experiencing suicidal thoughts, your support can make a meaningful difference. It’s natural to feel unsure about what might help and what could make things harder. To guide you, here are some things to avoid and more supportive ways to respond.

Helping Someone with Suicidal Thoughts: 5 Things to Avoid

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1) Lecturing the person or telling them what they “should” do 

When someone you care about is thinking about suicide, you may feel tempted to give them advice about what they should do to feel better. Even if your intentions are good, telling someone what they should do to be happy or to feel better is not always helpful. Each person has their own understanding of happiness shaped by their experiences and personality. What works for you may not work for them.
  

What to do instead: 
 

Focus on listening and helping them remember strategies that have helped them cope or feel a little better in the past. You can ask questions such as:

 

  • What usually helps you feel even a little better? 
  • What are some things that help you relax?  
  • When you’ve felt overwhelmed before, what helped, even a little?

2) Minimizing their problems or giving your opinion   

No matter what kind of difficulties the person is experiencing, avoid minimizing their struggles or passing judgment.  
 

What to do instead: 


Take an interest in what the person is going through. Listen with an open mind and show them that you are there for them. It’s important that they feel supported and heard. A person who feels judged or misunderstood will be likely to withdraw and close themselves off to receiving help. 
 

3) Telling the person to stop thinking about death or suicide 

Any statements like “stop thinking about death,”, “stop talking like that” or “don’t think about suicide” need to be avoided. These reactions can end up minimizing how serious what they’re going through is. They may feel that their suffering is not being heard and feel misunderstood.


What to do instead: 


Remember that suicidal thoughts must always be taken seriously. If someone tells you they are thinking about suicide:

 
  • Take them seriously and let them know you’re worried about them.   
  • Encourage them to seek professional help or offer to assist them in finding an appropriate resource (if they’re hesitant, you can gently explore what might make seeking support feel safer). 
  • Ask if there’s someone they trust they could talk to when these thoughts feel stronger or more frequent.  

4) Doing everything for the person

Avoid doing everything for the person. As someone close to them, you may feel tempted to move faster than they are ready to. But trying to do everything for them can mean overlooking the need to respect their pace. 


What to do instead: 


It’s better to support the person in finding their own solutions at their own pace. Together, you can explore what the smallest possible step might be to take care of themselves, to feel a little better or to stay safe. Be sure to acknowledge their wins.  

 

5) Keeping the situation a secret 

Don’t handle this situation alone and avoid keeping the situation a secret.
 

What to do instead: 


Ask for help. If the person asks you not to tell anyone, you can promise them you’ll be discreet while still seeking out professional resources that can help you manage the situation or support the person.


Please keep in mind that a person thinking about suicide is often facing several difficult challenges at once. So, their situation needs to be assessed by a healthcare professional. The page Supporting Someone in Difficulty contains additional information that may help you find support that best suits your situation.

 

Additional Resources  

If you’re worried about someone the following pages may offer practical information and guidance: 
 

Remember that counsellors can help 

Reach out to a suicide prevention counsellor if needed. Speaking with a counsellor can help you share your concerns and identify possible next steps to support the person. In an emergency, they can also help ensure the person’s immediate safety.

You can: 

 


These services are available 24/7 anywhere in Quebec.