5 Practical Tips to Help a Man in Distress

1. Recognizing when something isn’t right 

Men may feel pressure to meet cultural expectations that value strength and independence. This can make it harder for them to express their emotions or ask for help. As a result, distress is not always easy to recognize.
 

Whether it’s a friend, partner, colleague, neighbour, or someone else in your life, certain signs can help identify distress. Here are some warning signs that may indicate suicidal thoughts:  
 

• Anger or irritability 
• Neglecting personal appearance 
• Loss of interest in activities once enjoyed 
• Withdrawing from others 
• Increased use of alcohol or drugs 
• Asking others about their experiences with suicidal thoughts 
• Showing curiosity about death 
• Direct expressions about suicidal thoughts (e.g., “Life isn’t worth living anymore”) 
• Giving away personal belongings or writing a will 
• Searching for ways to kill oneself
• Saying goodbye as if it were final

2. Starting the conversation 

Some people worry that talking about suicide will make things worse. In reality, the opposite is true. Bringing up the subject doesn’t plant the idea. It helps you understand whether the person is experiencing suicidal thoughts. Being able to talk about what he is going through can bring relief and help you offer meaningful support. 
 

How to ask if he’s having suicidal thoughts  

It’s important to ask directly using present-tense language. Choose a time and place where they feel safe and comfortable, ideally during a shared activity such as a meal or a quiet moment together. Start by explaining what you’ve noticed and why you’re concerned.  

Here are a few ways to begin the conversation:  

 

• “Since you lost your job, I’ve noticed that you don’t seem to be doing well. I’m worried about you. Are you thinking about suicide?” 
• “You haven’t seemed like yourself lately and I’m concerned. Are you thinking about ending your life?” 
• “When you said the other day that you were ‘tired of life,’ did you mean that you’ve been thinking about ending your life?” 
• “It seems like things are really difficult for you right now. Are you thinking about killing yourself?” 

If your loved one tells you that he is having suicidal thoughts, take what he says seriously. If you feel comfortable, you can ask a few more questions to see if he he has a plan in mind:  
 

• “Have you thought about a specific way you would use to kill yourself?” 
• “Do you know where you would do it?” 
• “Have you thought about when you would do it?”  

 

These questions help assess how urgent the situation may be. The more detailed the plan, the more accessible the means, and the sooner the timeframe, the more important it is to seek immediate help.  

 

When to call emergency services (911) 

 

Call 911 if:   
 

• The person has attempted suicide or is about to do so 
• The person says they may act on suicidal thoughts within the next minutes or hours 
• The person is in a life-threatening crisis 
• The person ends the conversation saying they’re going to take their life 
• The person threatens to harm others 
• The person says they hear voices telling them to kill themselves or others   

 

If the situation is not an immediate emergency, you can call 1-866-277-3553 to speak to a trained counsellor who can guide you on what to do next.

3. Supporting him in seeking help 

Encouraging your loved one to seek help is an important step. However, some men may hesitate to reach out for support for various reasons: 
 

• They may feel expected to handle problems on their own 
• They may find it difficult to express emotions or ask for help
• Past experiences may have led to mistrust support services 

 

A gentle and understanding approach can help reduce these barriers. Here are a few ways to encourage him:
 

• “If you broke your arm, you’d see a doctor. Mental health deserves the same level of care.” 
• “When you’re moving, you might be able to carry a couch on your own, but it’s much easier with help.”    
• “Would you let water damage fix itself? Of course not. Ignoring a problem doesn’t make it go away. Taking action early makes it easier to find solutions.” 

Even if he has had a negative experience in the past, it doesn’t mean all services will be the same. Some resources are specifically designed to support men. 
 

You can suggest that he contact suicide.ca services by chat or text or offer to help him reach out. These services are confidential and available 24/7.    

 

• By text at 53 53 53  
• By chat on suicide.ca

For phone support at any time, he can call 1-866-277-3553.    

To explore resources tailored to his situation, visit the Supporting Someone in Difficulty section.

4. Spending time together 

Your role is important in supporting someone in distress. A man experiencing suicidal thoughts often lives with ambivalence: part of him wants to stop the pain, while another part still wants to keep going. Your presence can help strengthen the part of him that wants to live. 

When spending time with him, aim to be empathetic and non-judgmental. Encourage open conversation by asking supportive questions, such as:  
 

• “What helps make your days a little easier right now?” 
• “What helps you relax?” 
• “Are there activities that help take your mind off things?” 
• “How have you been taking care of yourself lately?” 

 

It can also be helpful to acknowledge his strengths and remind him of his resilience:  
 

• “I’m really impressed by how you’ve handled everything you’ve been going through.” 
• “I don’t have all the answers, but I have no doubt that you’ll find a way through this.” 
• “I believe in you and trust your ability to get through hard times.” 

 

Small, everyday actions can also support his well-being:  
 

• Staying connected with people who care about him  
• Reflecting on what gives his life meaning  
• Making time for activities he enjoys 
• Thinking about future plans or goals  
• Taking care of basic needs such as sleep, nutrition and following medical advice

5. Taking time for yourself 

It’s important to take care of your own well-being when supporting someone in distress. Make time for yourself and set boundaries when needed. You can also reach out to a counsellor if you need support.  

It’s essential to make space for your emotions, your mental health and your physical well-being.   

To learn more, visit our Respecting Your Limits and Taking Care of Yourself page.  

Listen to real stories 

To hear personal stories from people who have experienced suicidal thoughts and found help, explore the Ça va-tu? podcast (available in French only) from suicide.ca. The series features open and honest conversations with public figures.  

These stories can help you better understand what someone experiencing suicidal thoughts may be going through and remind you that support is possible. You can also suggest these episodes to your loved one.